How to nicely break the news to someone...

Hello again all. Recently, I've been grouping with this necro that I thought was actually pretty good and at first it seemed as if he was a good addition to my group.

However, slowly and surely, I realized that he was in fact hurting my group, exp rate, etc. He always seems to pull extra mobs from nowhere and dies, training my chars in the process. He doesn't assist and pulls agro off the tank too soon. Can't FD pull, etc etc. So here's the problem.

He's a NICE guy. I do enjoy his friendship in EQ, but grouping with him is giving me such a headache (literally) that I find it makes me not want to log on or at least go stealth on an alt. What's a nice way to tell him, "Hey, I really feel like going solo tonight, but don't hate me? <3." lol This is more of a RL question than an EQ one at heart; I'm aware. Yet still, I do need help. Anyone have experience dealing with this? Thanks!

Sounds like he leveled up too quickly by himself and never learned the basics. Maybe take a little time to teach him how aggro works and what you expect from him in a group setting. Simple lessons, one thing at a time, and he can be mostly fixed in a few days.

Honestly confront the issue head on. Telling someone they are doing something wrong isn't being the bad guy even if they think so. Also you would be surprised how many people (pullers especially) do NOT use their extended target window, they just throw a rock and run back to the group expecting there to be just one and don't realize there are more. You shouldn't have to feel like you don't want to login because of a friend. If you're friends or even just buddies s/he will give your issues the weight they deserve, if someone isn't willing to help you out when they are the detriment then they aren't a friend at all.

Just be honest. If you feel like going solo sometimes be polite and honest. If they than have a problem it's their problem and not yours. Being honest and polite usually works better than being shady and a jerk. If a person has a problem with you being polite and honest than the're not that nice of a person to begin with. You will never go wrong with being polite and honest.

Amorcen

Nicely tell him he sucks. Nicely tell him that any random pick-up group would not tolerate his routinely predictable disastrous play style, and in the future neither will you. Put him to the test. Nicely explain the new rules when grouping with you ... he does some bonehead herp derp that gets people dead, then he's out of the group. Then, he can go off and solo and the two of you can continue to have a nice friendship via tells instead of you hiding from him.

I had a problem with a paladin in my guild that joined my XP group this weekend. He couldn't tank the mobs, but he was trained to be an off-tank or something. My enchanter was mezzing the occasional adds, and pleading, sometimes 10 times per fight, do not touch the adds. I think he had group chat turned off. The occasional mez break I can understand, but playing deaf and attacking the wrong mob was just really irritating. Finally, the merc tank died because of it and I had to exodus out of there. After some polite tells, he agreed to begin using /assist main. No problems after that.

Which option are you looking for? Getting away from him or changing his playstyle?

Getting away from him, just tell him you're going to work on other things. Or solo for a bit. Or that you're not in the mood to group right now. Or that you have a group already. If he's a necro he shouldn't have any issues with soloing. Getting away from him also forces him to group with others (if he wants to group, that is). And other people should help with the situation - either by bluntly telling him to do or not to do something, or by just watching how other groups work.

What is his gear like? Is he coming up from lower, or is he a raider? If he's lower, he might not know his role. Might be burning too much too fast and doesn't know his role. If he's a raider, he might be used to grouping with other raiders - raid buffs, raid tanks, raid healers. He might think that he can handle it in your group since he's done it in raid-level groups. Let him know you can't handle what he's bringing in.

I've been "stuck" with people like this before. Luckily I'm a monk and I can just mend / FD my way out of most situations, leaving people to handle their own messes. Then I can either let them get fed up with the messes they create, or I get fed up and say "oh, another friend needs my help, gotta go. Sorry."

Sometimes it's just because my way of grouping is different than someone elses. If we're both trying to do our own thing, it doesn't work. Either I have to fall in line with them, or they have to fall in line with me. Try to fall in line with him. Like I said earlier, a necro shouldn't have any issues soloing. Maybe you could be the perk to his group, instead of him being the perk to yours.

Any Necro worth their salt will always take constructive criticism. There are things I learn almost daily, even as a veteran Necro of 11 years. The trick is to not tell them how to play their character, but how to improve on their existing skills.

I can see your dilemma tho, a Necro that does not use FD is like a Warrior choosing not to wear armor, it just doesn't work.

There is nothing wrong with telling someone that you already have a group for the night, or that you want to solo.

There is no good way to tell someone they suck.

You either be honest and tell them straight up, in which case they might get mad at you if they can't take honestly, or you lie to them and give them the "It's not you, it's me" bs like you and others have mentioned.

I can't stand people who do the latter.

Inform the player about this neato website thinger, necrotalk.com.

necro dieing on pull - FD is not 100% but hp/gear might be an issue.

you can say that we need to find a way to pull singles to camp -- game gets harder the higher levels.
learn the skills for grouping higher or current or go back to lower mobs and pratice.

maybe have the necro allways FD even for singles. have tank pull it in if single.
make sure necro does not stand up still arog is gone if mulit mobs.

Most of us want to see the game's population grow. I would like to see more people grouping with and working with newbies now and then and less people complaining about how newbies can't play and are unworthy of groups. Doesn't take that much.

Newbie? The OP made no indication of this being a new player. Over the years I have encountered a great number of veteran players who suck in colossal fashion. The awkward truth is that half of them think they play well -- they have sucked so hard and for so long they don't even recognize their own fail.

Disclaimer: This post is just personal advice, not an official SOE plan, strategy, endorsement, or whatchamacallit.

I think the distinction made by a few posters here is really important: You can either try to teach the other person to play better, or just try to distance yourself from them.

If you really do enjoy spending time with them in game, go with the former. One non-confrontational way to present the lessons is something like "Hey, my friend/a forum post/an article just taught me something really cool about how aggro works. It really helped me get better and I understand the game a bit more-here's what it is." That way it feels like you're learning together, rather than you forcing him to undergo training classes.

I also like CrazyLarth's suggestion of going to easier zones for awhile, so that it's a bit easier and the difficulty allows room for a few mistakes from your necro buddy.

If you're just looking to distance yourself from him, I agree with the earlier suggestion of being upfront and saying that you miss playing solo/molo and want to do that for awhile. Suggest 1-2 nights a week that you want to group with him (and bring some other friends in on those night to lessen the pain), and then part ways for the rest of the time.

I really think the better solution is to help them learn to play the game better. It's not always easy to find someone you enjoy spending constant time with in a game, and that friendship is worth trying to save. Plus, if you're able to help them become a better player, everyone they group with in the future will owe you big time

I wish there was another expansion like a DoN or LDoN. The missions in those expansions really helped teach players how to play their class. Back then you had to do your best, know every little trick of your class, and try hard or the whole group was let down. The missions in DoN were a little more forgiving. I remember many necros that joined me in a creator mission sitting on mounts. I would tease them a little asking if they were comfy. Most didn't get it.

Just find a Kramer to join you while you group with the Necro.

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day.. teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime. I agree with those saying you should help him become better. Start with telling him how to assist, and working until he does. Then explain to him about pulling, and let him know that he needs to not pull extra mobs. If you enjoy someones company in the game, you should encourage that friendship.

No goal is out of reach.

If there are other people in the group do the talking in tells. No one likes to be embarrassed in front of other people. Most instantly get defensive if they feel like your embarrassing them

I would say at least half the time that I run across a player that doesn't play or perform very well it comes down to technical issues. They could have a slow connection, a slow computer, a mouse/keyboard that doesn't work right, or they might not have the UI or hotkeys set up well. Certainly something to consider as these can often be remedied.

You have brought up a number of different issues.
- Tell him to get an aggro meter. he will want one anyway. The one with the new expansion client works fine.
- Make a point of assigning a "Main Assist" for each group and changing it if he group leaves, like a ritual. Ask all member
an assist hot key for the MA and only assist that person. The MA should be someone you trust and i its you don't target some random un-aggroed mob mid fight and expect it to not show up debuffed, nuked and dotted.
- Pulling - simply ask him not to pull. Its not hard here, but there are some places where a cloth class is going to have issues.
Also, until he knows a spot or the mobs its going to take a bit to get used to their aggro radius, movement speed, etc what spliting technique ( paci, snare, mez, root, etc) he uses is going to depend on the mob mechanic.

If he is having trouble, he should ask for advice in the server necro channel or the necro board, necrotalk.