How to use voicechat effectively.

I like to leave my mic open and lay it next to the TV speaker while playing p0rn on the highest volume setting

I'm sad, there is no open voice channel with other empires. I don't have time to type taunts in /yell :/ .
I'm a guy who can chat easily in those channels. It's way easier, but if I had some feedback, from my comunication, it would be better.

You get **** on the TV?

unfortunately no... but I have a 400 disc DVD changer loaded with it so it's always at hand

I've learned that outside of combat, giving a long explination (30 seconds-ish) of what we are going to do, is fine.

In combat, I use the 2-3 or 3-3 system. You can use a max of 3 words, and repeat them 3 times.

for instance:
"load up, load up, load up"
"Squad/beacon deploy, squad/beacon deploy, squad/beacon deploy"
"Flank left/right"
"Airstrike (color) smoke/waypoint/request"
"Go for (point/gen/SCU)"

Enemy callouts are the same, very simple, 2-3 words, repeat three times. the pubbies tend to like it and actually do what you say.

My roommate also plays and told me that there was a spammy irritating 12-year-old sound voice saying "medic medic what's wrong heal me medic medic what the ____ give me medic medic" and he C4'd that corner of the room.

Someone else immediately said "Thank you, it stopped".

My experience is that the "pubbies" as you call them are as likely to do what you say with one firm statement, or maybe two. Repetitive, droning tones seem to hypnotize them into inaction.

So, no.

More of a language thing than anything else, I play on a multi language server and recognize the fact that people who don't speak english as a first language may not understand. Regarding the tone, assertiveness is the key, you don't want to yell at them, but you gotta get a bit of drive into them.

Twice and firmly with good enunciation has done the trick 90% of the time for me.

I've seen offensives outright stall during repetitions of four or more.

Four is just silly, three does the trick for me.

I'll accept three. Especially if you don't sound like some teenager stoner with apathy issues.

Haha, these guys.

"My mom doesn't like me, I'm gonna play some Good Charlotte and you, um, you get on the point and kill and stuff"

The OP could be SO much shorter...

The only instruction necessary is the only advice that you need to take to be a good PL, soldier, actor, worker, lover, or astronaut:

Be more like Brian Blessed.

Reminds me of a fun time on Indar NC when i just went Sergeant style and commented stuff in yell. For some reason the entire zerg suddenly started to move as i said. we managed to take 4 bases push back a TR zerg and then i had to go eat dinner. XD
Not sure if people where bothering to read what i wrote but i still had a good time doing that ^^

And then back on TR i can't say a god damn thing. Mouth just shuts when im playing with my outfit <.<

You could have avoided using pretentious ellipses in your response. And for that matter you could have spared us the "TL;DR" post altogether.

But neither of us got what we want. Call it even.

I've never, in my entire life, heard the suggestion that using an ellipsis (rather than ellipses, as there were neither more than one, nor single sided shapes in my post) implies pretension... <--

Also. Please understand when someone is making a joke in support of a phenomenal public figure, rather than a derision of your post content. It honestly isn't difficult to identify. "...be a good PL, soldier, actor, worker, lover, or astronaut." I've emboldened where, if it was not already rather obvious, things should have become clear.

Sorry your thread didn't go as you wanted, but there's no point in lashing out at people lightening the mood; it just makes you seem petulant.