Am I who???

A few times in the past couple months, I have been told people have been asked if they are me. Also, people have been asked if I am someone else. I myself have been asked if I am someone else. I don't ever remember this stuff happening really before now. I do have a bad memory but still it is happening a bunch lately. Normally I wouldn't care but it has happened when someone has done something to upset people. For a long time I used to hide my characters because there was a crazy person that was scaring the heck out of me. Time healed that and I had unhidden my characters up until a few weeks ago when I decided that after The Niboota House Project was over I was going to just disappear as much as possible except to finish up a few more things I promised to do or at someone's request. I have lots of real life drama happening, more than I can handle at times especially with all my disabilities and then in game drama has been happening off and on. I had turned off Homeshow channel but there were people asking for me but they were on Fallen Gate so I would turn it back on due to not being able to send tells to that server. Another reason I wanted to just disappear is I have noticed that not only was I being ignored by several people (especially from someone I really respect and have no clue why) but to others that are known as friends of mine. I don't want to cause drama for others. If you are avoiding visiting a house of anyone known as my friend or just because I did a video of their house, please don't make them pay for my mistakes. They don't deserve it. I hear that there is some new drama going on and questions about am I so-and-so popped up again. I know that it is very hard to keep track of who is who with people's forum names so different from in game character names and people now spreading out to other servers but their names are taken or people making characters with names very similar to theirs, etc. Still with all of that, I think all the questioning is more than just people being curious but drama related somehow.

I know that I am not one of the cool kids, never have been, never will be. I get it cuz my whole life I have never fit in. I don't fit in with my family or my husband's family. I didn't fit in at school and once I became disabled all the people that I thought were my friends ran for the hills. With my major depression and anxiety coming back due to too much stress and drama I am sure I deserve most of people's dislike for me. I am truly sorry for everything and hope that some day people will forgive me...don't have to be my friend but forgive me at least. The issue I have is others having drama because someone thinking they are me or friends with me. So tonight I went through my characters on my main six accounts and now people can see my alts. I do have other accounts but to be honest I haven't really had time ever to play them much. Mainly those accounts are for Frostfell...getting extra free gifties. I don't even know most of those characters names and I have to look them up. I don't have a problem sharing those names if someone really cares to know them. Especially if it helps someone else being confused with me. I would love to say just look at my guild member list BUT there are more than just a couple that are not my characters and I have a few characters in other people's guilds so I can invite them to their guild or whatever. If people really want a character list for the other accounts, I will provide such a list. Send in game mail to Antonia_Bayle.Ocarinah or to EQ2BuildingInspector@gmail.com.

So for those of you that question if it is me or not, here is the main characters so you can look up alt names on u.eq2wire.com for each account....

Primary account main character: Ocarinah

Secondary account main character: Honex and Building

Third account main character: Ebeafia

Forth account main character: Histrix

Fifth account main character: Brookesia

Sixth account main character: Pterois

Note: Other accounts were supposed to be temp accounts but stayed cuz of free heroic characters given, etc. Must look those ones up actually. There are people with the name Ocarina and Rinah and Oaky, etc. that are not me so people do not assume it is me. There are a couple other characters that I have seen very similar names to mine very recently. I have a Building character on every server I know of that except beta (not sure if there is more than Thurgadin that is non-US anymore). I have only changed two characters name since launch of EQ2. One was Stealak changed to Garnock (which is forum name for secondary account) because I wanted to save keystrokes from getting from houses to my guild hall (Subterranean) by just typing in S and not having to select the guild name cuz only thing with S that comes up in search. It was a killer to change his name tbh. The second was Holidays changed to Ocarinah on Test Server which changed cuz I do want to help out from time to time to test stuff if I ever can find the time to do so. Forum names for other account...don't think I have set that up for any of the other accounts. Why so many accounts? Well I made two through six to level up my own person guild before Newsies and Guide's Guide came along cuz boxing is allowed. The other accounts because I needed a temp character in someone's guild to help or there was going to be this decorating contest where people needed a specific guild hall to participate and I was going to donate use of a couple halls on each server but the decorating contest never happened. One account has character in spot to teleport to for Speak Like a Dragon or whatever it is called and also at one of the runes that dang zone. There are a couple missing temp toons on my primary and secondary account right now cuz I needed the character slot to have characters on Fallen Gate. The remaining temp characters are visible in alt list.

Exceptions: I have a Fallen Gate character on my two main accounts that will only talk to four people period. They have nothing to do with Homeshow, General, Crafting, etc. chat channels so there is no way they will ever be confused with anyone else. I have one hidden character on AB that I never log in but is there just in case. Again that character doesn't talk to anyone or any channel.



I have met so many wonderful people in the Homeshow community. So helpful, friendly, giving, amazing, etc. I still will be visiting houses cuz you all are truly amazing and creative decorators. I still will look forward to tells and mail from people. It just will be hard to ask if I am online in Homeshow channel. I don't want to cause issues for others and I do need to take a break with my depression out of control right now. I am not quitting the game just focusing on getting things to settle down. Don't worry there are awesome people that are still running events, doing video tours, helping out with so many other things...you won't even miss me. <3

Ocarinah, I hope I am not one of those people whom you feel ignored by. I don't have the best vision and find it difficult to focus on in game chat when I am busy doing other things, so I tend to ignore chat for the most part, 99% of the time I'm in game. I miss tells and such all the time, and it's not because I mean to do so. I have tried using other chat tabs, but the more tabs I have open, the more chat screws up and when it put my Homeshow chat into my combat tab and wouldn't let me change it, I had to reset my chat to default settings to fix it and decided not to break out any new chat tabs since. It's really annoying not to be able to separate out my chat, though, and makes it that much more difficult to pay attention to chat, and so much easier now to miss things.

You are an awesome person and having disabilities does not make you un-likeable in any way, shape, or form. We don't ask for our disabilities...they happen, and all we can do is live with them and do whatever we can to try to alleviate them or get better. I have an auto-immune disease that I will have for the rest of my life...I've had to learn to live with it. Educating myself on it has most definitely helped, because at least I understand the disease better and there are dietary changes I have made to help improve things, even if I can't cure it. I had two total knee replacement surgeries, and am now able to walk again without pain, and am back in school with intent to find a job once I am finished. I feel I am one of the fortunate ones who ended up being disabled, because I am able to focus again on a future, albeit pretty late in life.

One of the symptoms of my auto-immune disease, and when I read about this symptom, I realized just how true it is...is that I 'feel' people are out to get me. It's a result of the neurological impact of this auto-immune disease. Once I realized this, I constantly remind myself that it is a symptom of my disease and that I am probably reading too much into things. If someone ignores me for a while or doesn't talk to me, I get the feeling that they are angry with me about something or that I have done something to offend them. Because I am aware of the symptoms, I am able to reason with myself and not react to my initial thoughts. Nine times out of ten, it's nothing like that...it's just that they got super busy and haven't had time to talk to me. I am wondering if this isn't the case with what you're experiencing too.

Disabilities are not easy to live with, especially when you can get no relief from the pain. Having lived with the pain in my knees for years, I get that, and I sympathize with those who don't have the option of getting surgery like I did. You are a wonderful person, Ocarinah...kind, caring, sympathetic, and always willing to go above and beyond when it comes to doing videos or helping others out. I will always consider you a friend. Do not worry about what others may think of you...all that will do is eat at you. Let it go, and know that you are loved. If people are that dense that they will dislike someone just because they are disabled, they aren't worth having as a friend anyways. Besides, true friends stick with you through the hard times as well as the good. *Hugs*

I will miss you! I won't let you go away! You are the most awesome decorator I know. You are the most kind, generous and caring person, you drop anything to go do for anyone. You go above and beyond. Its time you take a break and only do for YOU. Enjoy the game. I want to see an awesome project that is only for You!! And you alone. You are the best And a good Friend!!! Luv you Bunches!!! /hugs

Oaky i echo everything said above i love you tons... you know that (if u dont you should by now!!) ive been quiet myself and not interacting with people as much as i would like, like my mum b4 me if i have nothing to say i just dont speak! doesn't mean i dislike anyone just means i have nothing to say... Im not as active on the forum as much as i perhaps used to be , and im not cross with you ( you know with what im referring to!) thats dun and dusted and not even entered my mind since...I hope when u have managed to sort urself out ,taken the time u need to get straight , you can find joy in your game again , you have more friends that you possibly realize xxx GWS xxx

PS I LOVE your lighthouse the video is amazing that you done xx

What Merriel said. If people who you thought were your friends are ignoring you, then they are not true friends. It's horrible to feel ignored and out of the loop and it sounds like you've had some stress and drama in game. I always find at times like this that a /hug helps so here's a bear hug from me <3

<3 you Ocarinah .You know who to send a tell to if ever there is anything I can do to help. . I can only offer you an ear to listen with ,a shoulder to lean on and a heart big enough to include you as my friend .
I want you to look after yourself dear You are a lovely person who is having a rough time and I so wish I could invite you over for a cup of tea ,a good chat and maybe even have a good cry with you over shared hardships but most of all I wish I could just give you a warm hug cause I know you need it .
Be well <3 .

Aww, Oaky! I think you are awesome! Depression is lying; you are loved and valued by many people, including me.

I hope you are getting help for the depression and I recently read something that may help: practicing gratitude. The article said to think of five things every day you are grateful for. I've been trying to do this myself. I get depressed, too, especially in the winter.

<Big Hugs>

Hi Oaky! I hope you are feeling better soon! I've very much enjoyed working with you on projects and hope to see you in game again soon.

P.S. I don't see chat much as I'm usually fighting something in game, currently the tinkerfest PQs before that it was mostly furniture that just wouldn't behave. Also, I'm just quiet most of the time. So if you've sent me a tell or something and I didn't talk or say much, its because I'm focused away from the chat box or something like that.

aww we all love you Oaky, we hope you feel better soon. as for Merriel and Febrith said, friends who ignore friends are not true friends, as what I call them "fake" friends which they just want to take advantage to you but not help you.

but playing solo and taking a break can be a good thing too, you just need some time for yourself and you will feel confident being stress free and enjoy yourself without drama in game or RL.

if you need anything or you want to chat just send me a tell on HoF in game or message me here.

Look up there, Oaky! See all this support? You are priceless to us all, in more ways than you know. While I'm not sure what happened, I do know that you're one super tough lil cookie.
I get tells a lot and tend to not even be at my pc. Those who know me, understand I'm a Ninja at AFKing, and it's nothing personal.
SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA SEND ME A TELL LIKE THIS! Then I'll definitely not miss it when I get back to the screen lol.
/hugs!!

Oaky - I know I'm not as much a frequent-poster, core-decorator as some of those above, but let me also say as a more casual participant, you have my support and I care about you. You've done so much for the community and it touches people far and wide. You're one of the people who inspired me to stop lurking and try to be part of the community and offer help and support. If people are being jerks, ignore them. They likely have their own stuff going on and it's more about them than it is about you. As a fellow sufferer of varied disorders, I know how it can sometimes seem like the world is against you and it's all personal and everything is the suck. I, myself, have been quiet and mostly away this summer dealing with irl stuff and medical issues and it's been tough, but when we need to take time, we need to take that time for ourselves. Definitely take a break if you feel you need it (from the game, or just chat, or whatever). Feel better and know you have our love and support while you are taking a step back, and when you return. *hugs* <3

Hey Oaky. I just want to say that you're awesome! I don't want to be cliche and say don't listen to others and don't let them get you down so I hope I can try to help you get a different perspective. Inevitably in life there are expectations that others have of you and you of them. I have found that some people like to express their feelings and don't take into consideration the feelings of the one they are projecting on to. Those people in my mind actually have the issue; not you, not me, not anyone but them. This helps me get through some drama that comes my way from time to time.

When you talked about your alts above and others being mistaken for you, this touches a nerve with me as well. When someone tries to take your identity that is the worst. You feel like your voice is not heard. I have been through this many times in my life. The only way I have made sense of it is they have such low self esteem that they have to project your positive energy onto themselves but they can't handle it. In some ways that makes me feel bad for them. In other ways not so much.

I have lot's of personal stories that I could share; but game wise I will share one. There was a time a few years ago that someone completely copied my guild hall design a month after I had shared it on the forums; and they tried to pass it off as their own. They had another well known game decorator tour it and she immediately recognized it as my design and after sending me a screenshot; called them out here in the forums. She didn't need to do that but did anyway and still gets grief about it to this day from that player. It was comforting to know she had my back. I was shocked that someone would do that so blatantly. I felt that they took my design and voice away. Their copy was so exact that myself and another player which happened to be a community manager in the game went to investigate their guild hall to see if they got a copy of my layout. I've always been okay with folks taking one idea or another and using it but this was a whole different level taking the entire design from top to bottom. It made me not want to design anymore and not play for a while so I took a break. So, I understand how you might need a break from all the drama as well.

Those of us that know better will recognize those frauds that may try to pass themselves off as you or bear a resemblance in name. Just know that no one else can be you. You are the CEO of Ocarinah and no one, NO ONE can be you but YOU! And really, you are awesome and I enjoy seeing you on the forums helping to keeping this game alive.

Sincerely,
Cheri

I mirror everything that's already been said, and throw in some hugs.

Ocarinah I don't know you well but I do love watching your videos and how much fun you have when you do tours with the home owner. You seem very loved in many ways. I feel bad because I know the identity issues you are having, I have been in the same problem with characters with similar names. It hurts a lot emotionally but don't give up and don't let them beat you down. Only thing I can say is keep pushing of who you are and make it very clear that these similar names does not make it you. If friends drop because someone else is being stupid and you know it wasn't you sadly was no trust. Takes time to not be associated anymore. On the chat subject I am a major afk ninja and 2 weeks ago my chat messed up and I missed guildie messages and wonder what was going on with me...and its been impossible to fix them(so some combat chat in guild so scrolls fast in pqs). Super HUGS girlie!!! You have many people here who want you around, do take time to collect yourself, rest and be focused on what ya love doing. Keep up the décor and vids!!I watch them all and need more ideas on stuff!!! And some more hugs cuz we all can use them!

And here are more hugs for you, mixed with a lot of sunshine.
Good music will always be good music, even if people say bad things about it.

Absolutely! I totally agree with his sentiment.

Also, one thing Oaky said is that she doesn't feel like "one of the cool kids" - well I can't imagine a cooler bunch than us right here in the Norrathian Homeshow. When I get told at home that I'm a "super-nerd", what I hear is "super cool chick"
There is a lot to be said for living in your own little bubble and sailing past the negativity.

I, too, can be bad about keeping track of the chat channels, even of /tells (finally got the bright idea to change the color of private tells from the default colors of conversations with NPCs! won't admit how long that took me... ) and I usually don't have the sound on, 'cause of my weird hours. Other times, even if I get in-game mail, if I think it's all been said, there you go, just a notice type thing, whichever, I'll go, "Okay, cool. S/he has said everything, nothing more needs be said. Concise! Lovely! " even though I should do something, at least along the lines of "Got it, thanks!" Despite the image I might have here on the forums, I'm not hugely social. :-/

If I'm one of the ones that you feel has been ignoring you, I am so, so sorry! I hardly ever mean anything by it, generally; it just means I'm scatterbrained, and I'll often be juggling 87 (well, okay, 86; Excel is still my friend) irons in the fire all at the same time, especially when I should be doing something else... ;-> I haven't kept up with all the videos here because there are TONS!! Pages and pages! Far easier when it was just Niboota! (/giggle) And they're all really great! And frequently take up lots and lots of minutes! I think if I start tugging too hard on that skein, it'll unravel a huge avalanche on my head...I'm not ignoring your vids specifically, Oaky, I'm pretty much ignoring most/all of 'em...or at least putting off catching up on them all until after the recent hols. :-/

This probably isn't sounding right at all, but my excuse is it's past 4 a.m. here...let's try this (hope it doesn't get too huge, but I really like it [yep, Doc Who quote ;->]):


(Personally, I try to make all my characters' names unique [REALLY unique... "You really don't want a lot of /tells coming in, don't you?" "Nope. "], and there's not many people I share the whole list with, simply because I am pretty non->anti-social. ;-> And my personal mental/emotional demon [well, one of them] is that I tend to get paranoid [my mom took the cake for that; wonder if it's genetic, or imprinted...]). :-/

Uwk

Oaky,

You are an awesome person, a great decorator, and an even greater friend. Those of us who have suffered from depression hope you remember, it gets better.

While you are gone, we miss you.

When you come back, we are better for you being here.

Stay strong, and know that we love you.

Eli

Sorry it took so long for me to reply...I was catching up on sleep yesterday. Thank you all for everything! I really am glad you feel the way I do about all of you. I love all of you, I really really do. Hugs back to all of you. It wasn't not getting tells back cuz god knows I get called away from my desk for so many reasons and miss tells all the time, especially if game decides to kick me out. Sometimes I miss them cuz I am getting tells from multiple people and I miss seeing them. I haven't been able to see most of the videos by others because I have just been so busy and not feeling well. The ones I have seen are amazing. I am slowing getting over that damn too cute for words kitten in the corner of Shanette's videos. All I want to do is stare at the kitten! When I am feeling better I think I can control my need to look at the cuteness. I do plan on trying to see all the videos and to get back to touring and voting on everyone's awesome houses.

Cheribomb: So I did a video of someone's house and I knew it looked so familiar but my memory is the worst. It had been almost 2 years since I had seen my friend's house. It was copied not 100% but a huge amount. Few things changed slightly but too much was copied in my opinion and I know how much it hurt my friend. I felt so horrible that I didn't remember it was her house. I have seen thousands of houses over the years and all of Niboota's videos, etc. It is very easily for me to forget after a week let alone years whose house is whose. I am not sure which was worse though...hurting my friend by posting the video or having people thinking the person who copied my friend was me. I would never pretend to be doing video tour of another decorator's house but it is really mine. I would never copy a house like that. Do I steal ideas from others, heck yeah and I even tell them I am going to steal it. When I give tours of my stuff I point out that it is stole idea even if I cannot remember the original decorators name. I did get Raainy's layout of her Bristlebane day house so I could recreate on AB but because she was so nice to share it with me when I asked to buy layout. I did do videos of my completed houses but the videos were intended for my family only since they just don't get what I spend most of my time doing. I did take those down just in case. The only thing I could do was say how sorry I was and I removed not only the video of the copy cat house but all of this decorator's house videos I did. I wasn't about to risk it since others might be copies as well. I mentioned situation to other videographers too. I have not told this decorator I have removed their videos cuz I really wasn't (still not) ready for this sort of drama. I just hope the confused person believes I am not the copy cat decorator or that I lie about who I am and that my friend truly has forgiven me for posting that video.

I hope you do not mind me posting a few words. I have played and done decorating since the game started and had my share of issues here as well even to the point of changing the names of my girls (toons). I do more now than at first and I watch the videos and enjoy them all so much. I feel as though I know a lot of you even though you all don't know me, but listening and reading your banter with each other is heartwarming and its plain to see it is such a great family you all are here. As far as the "troubles" I hope in this respect you can wear blinders and see only the positive with all your support and friends here. Then ones that cause issues are not worth it. As I post more I hope you all will get to know me more as well. The post made me cry as I don't like to see things like this happen to any one.

If I may.....here is a huge hug from me.