How have you reacted?

Discussion in 'Joker’s Funhouse (Off Topic)' started by The 14th Doctor, Oct 19, 2014.

  1. The 14th Doctor Dedicated Player

    What do you do when you are prank called or just called by someone you don't know? I want funny conversations and situations.
    Here are some of my most recent:
    This one happened literally two minutes ago:
    Person: "Hi, I'm ____ from the Institute of California. We are conducting a survey for citizens of California to..."
    Me (demonic Batman voice): "I'm not in California!"
    Person: "Oh... Well, I'm sorry to bother you, sir."
    Me (still in demonic Batman voice): "What makes you think I'm a man?!?"

    Another one:
    Me (regular voice): "Joe's Hoes, what can I do you for?"
    Person: *hangs up*

    One more:
    Person: "Hey, this is ______. Is _____ there?"
    Me (demon voice): "No. How have you contacted me?"
    Person: "Who is this?"
    Me (demonic voice): "This is Satan."
    Person: "Oh &%$@!" *hangs up*

    What are yours?
    • Like x 6
  2. The Enquirer Steadfast Player

    My personal favorite is to act utterly convinced that I called them and then attempt to order several pizzas.

    Person: Hi I'm calling from
    Me: yea, I'd like to order the special.
    P: Wait what?
    M: Yea, the special. Your catalog said you were having a sale this weekend.
    P: Oh, you mean the special renewal on your magazine subscription!
    M: What, no, on the pizzas.
    P: I'm sorry I don't know wha-
    M: It's the 2 for $10 deal on pepperoni pizzas.
    P: Sir I'm calling to-
    M: I called you.
    P: No you did not.
    M: Do you want my money or not?
    P: Well, yes, do you want a magazine subscription?
    M: What you can interest me in are some pizzas.
    P: Well I don't have any. Can I interest you in-
    M: Unless the next words out of your mouth are "the 2 for $10 on pepperoni pizza"-
    P: I DON'T HAVE ANY PIZZA!
    M: Then why'd you call me?

    I've also taken a page from Archer and done this:

    Person: High, I'm calling to see if you're interested in buying a time share!
    Me: This is going to sound a lot like me hanging up, but *hangs up*
    • Like x 5
  3. dngnb8 Devoted Player

    I have 2 to share

    1st:
    When I was a paramedic, practical jokes were always being played. However, I am not a fan of them. Usually, it becomes a *** for tat thing then someone goes too far. That being said, I had a partner who believed he couldnt get "caught" and thus would play jokes on everyone. He put oatmeal in my boots when I was sleeping. Of course, I didnt appreciate running calls all night in oatmeal. So the next shift, I rigged the toilet to spit at him when he flushed.

    I warned the office staff not to use it. We woke up and he went right in. He did his business... Then you heard him screaming. The moron didnt even know how to stop it so water starts pouring out from under the door. He denied being caught and even said he knew it was going to happen. Moron....

    2nd:
    A telemarketer called me one evening about 9 pm. I dont even know what he was trying to sell me but I said

    Me: "Listen, I am walking out my door but I am very interested in your product. Can I call you back in 5 hours?"
    Him: "I am off at by then"
    Me: "What is your home phone number then, I will call you later tonight"
    Him: "I dont want you calling me at home at night"
    Me: "THEN HOW THE F*** DO YOU THINK I FEEL ABOUT YOU CALLING ME AT 9PM!!!!!!!!!!! *click*
    • Like x 6
  4. Drifting Dreamer Steadfast Player

    One of my favorites is from when I was ten. My dad loves telemarketers. They are his favorite time of the day. We'd always know it was a telemarketer when dad would come back to the dinner table with the phone and chew while they gave their shpeal. You could tell he was really having fun when he'd wink at one of us.

    Dad put this one on speaker, then set the phone down and talked while he ate:
    Dad - "Hello, Clawson residence."
    Person - a question i couldn't hear but I assume was "Hello sir, how are you doing tonight?"
    Dad - "oh, thank God someone finally asked. (at this point he turned on speaker) I'll tell you, I've had a horrid day! So, first off, my wife and kids use up all the hot water in the showers this morning. Not usually a big deal as I get up first so I get as much hot water as I want, but, today , noooooooo, I have to over sleep. Course the missus couldn't wake me up! So, what do I get, ice bath shower! Then my son can't pry himself away from the TV, even on a weekday morning, so he's late to school and I got a lecture. This made me late for work!"
    Person - "Wow, sir, I'm sorry. That does sound like a bad start to your day!"
    at this point my mom, my sister, and I had to cover our mouths tightly to keep person from hearing us about to die with laughter.
    Dad - "Oh, you think that's something, just wait. That was all before I got to work! So I get to work and my boss rakes me over the coals for being late. When I told him why, you know what he said? [Pause] No, really, guess what he said?"
    Person - (the life was beginning to leave their voice) "That you shouldn't have been late sir?"
    Dad - "Hell no, that I should have left my son at home! Let him play hooky and get to work on time! What kind of a father would I be if I did that?!"
    Person - (at this I had to leave the room and stand in the hall so I wouldn't be heard) - "A pretty cool one I'd say, ha ha." (this poor person, they were trying so hard)
    Dad - "What?! This is my son's life we're talking about! You think this is a joke?!
    This went on for, no kidding, 10 more minutes before you heard Person sigh, very loudly. Dad finished up his terrible, horrible, no good, really bad day story (none of it was true, he was on vacation that week :p) and then asked Person, "So, how was your day."
    Person (very somber and defeated at this point) "My day was good, sir, now for why I called. I represent the ___ company (I can't remember the name) and I'm calling to tell you about ..."
    Dad - "You're trying to sell me something?! And here I just thought you cared! I'm not interested."
    • Like x 5
  5. HiggletyPigglety New Player

    I got an email intended for another person (very similar email address) from a realtor who was trying to follow up on "our" visit. Here was my reply (names have been changed):

    Hi Bob (can I call you Bob?),

    YES! We loved that floor plan. Thank you for sending that link. We have just a few more questions to follow up:

    Would we be able to adjust where some of the doors are? We think the wall in the living room between the breakfast and the storage closet might be too short for Sarah's extensive Samurai sword collection. (I tried to convince her to sell some at last year's martial arts convention, but she put me in a headlock until I passed out - she will NOT budge on that one.) Sarah wants to display some of our Game of Thrones memorabilia there, too. More space on that wall would be perfect.

    I forgot the plan shows an optional wet bar for the game room. (Sarah swears you mentioned that - I must've forgot!) Could we make that a dry bar? We usually only like pretzels and saltines around our skee-ball equipment - cokes make the ticket dispenser sticky.

    What are the HOA rules on livestock? We have a small herd of goats (27, and 2 females are expecting this June). We have never had any complaints of their bleating. And the smell is minimal from this breed (Spanish boer) - and we take extreme measures to control that! They do tend to attract predacious animals - like cougars and wolves. One winter we lost 6 goats. It was sad.

    One other question about the HOA rules. Are there any provisions against prominently displaying religious symbols? If not, there should be.

    Lastly, along the lines of the local schools and shopping...Do you know of any local doggy-daycare facilities, and whether they would accept a domesticated badger?

    Okay, Bob. Give us a call this evening - we'd love to chat specifics.
    • Like x 2
  6. HiggletyPigglety New Player

    I should add, the realtor never replied, but the guy with the email address similar to mine wrote back and let me know they had a good laugh.
    • Like x 2
  7. Sir That Guy Loyal Player

    i just look at my Emma Watson screensaver:D
  8. The 14th Doctor Dedicated Player

    What if Emma Watson prank called you? I'm honestly interested how you think the conversation would go?
  9. Sir That Guy Loyal Player

    that would honestly be the best day of my life, or second, my first is when i shook her hand at a premier
  10. willflynne Unwavering Player

    Not really a reaction on my part, but I still laugh at the reaction I got from this:

    There was one night years ago when my family was sitting around the living room and we were all in a goofy mood. Lots of laughing and funny comments being flung back and forth, and in the middle of all this the phone rings. I was the closest one and picked it up. However, since the silliness was in full swing I answered the phone with a very enthusiastic impersonation of Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley:



    I didn't even hear an answer, just the phone click and the line go dead as my family is bursting out laughing at my greeting.

    Shortly after that the phone rang again and my mom answered it that time. Turns out the first call was from one of my aunts calling to talk to my mom. :D
    • Like x 1
  11. The Valeyard New Player

    Pretty much every post I've seen from you is you obsessing over this Emma Watson actress. Or musician, I'm not really sure. At least that's what I remember you for.
    • Like x 2
  12. The 14th Doctor Dedicated Player

    Hey, at least he's remembered :p
    • Like x 1
  13. Sir That Guy Loyal Player

    Yes! I am remembered! Thank You!
  14. The 14th Doctor Dedicated Player

    I remember you for being That Guy, Sir.
    • Like x 1
  15. The 14th Doctor Dedicated Player

    Your family is easily amused... still funny though... maybe I'm easily amused. Only on alternating Fridays.
  16. CHUD Loyal Player

    When I was a kid, this was one of those phone calls that came in that my dad responded to.

    Caller - "Hi. We're calling for the local JC's."
    My Dad - "Sorry they're not in right now" *click and hangs up phone*
    (it's one of those things where you have to stop and think about)

    My favorite was whenever I got a call from a telemarketer saying that I owe them money or an advanced payday loan that I never applied for. I've gotten that good to a point where I've had them hang up on me.
    (typical setting)

    Caller - "Hello, my name is ______ and I am calling to confirm a payday advance loan that you requested."
    Me - (does a voice change) "Well hi there. You sound just so precious."
    Caller - "Umm, well, yes, I am here to verify your loan application ......"(he continues to talk)
    Me - "Oooooo....I just LOVE the sound of your voice. It's very masculine. It's actually turning me on."
    Caller - "Sir, if you will just listen I am here to...."
    Me - "Oh yes,...keep talking,....I'm about to burst with excitement."
    *click and the caller hangs up*

    several minutes later a repeating phone call
    Caller - "Hello, my name is ______ and I'm calling to confirm your application for a payday advance loan that you requested"
    Me - *I Que up online the sound of an air horn* HONK
    Caller - "Sir, why are you doing that?"
    Me - HONK (air horn)
    Caller - "Sir, I don't like you doing...."
    Me - HONK
    (this goes on for several minutes until he hangs up in discouragement)

    several minutes after that,....I call their number seeing is how it's in my caller ID
    Caller - "Hello?? This is Payday Advance."
    Me - (insert random soundboard audio file of WWE's Iron Shiek........this is only to be done every time they say something or not)
    • Like x 1
  17. Ninja'd Dedicated Player

    *Sees number that I don't recognize.*
    Me: Hello, City Morgue. Where the decease lay.
    Unknown:...
    *Hears click*
    Call Ended.
    • Like x 1
  18. LucidityKJ Dedicated Player

    I had some company calling me for the last SIX YEARS, EVERY DAY trying to sell me some "car insurance." Even when I didn't have a car they'd still call every day. I asked over and over for them to take me off the list, and it aws the same guy every single day. So one day, they forgot to call me restricted. I called back, and it turned out to be the guy's cell phone (based on the voicemail recording).

    I spent the next 4 hours calling him non-stop, over and over. By the end of hour 2, I could hear him screaming about not beign able t oget any work done, yadda yadda yadda. Finally, after hour 4, I called and when he picked up, I asked him if he was going to take me off his list now. He said he would, and I haven't heard from them since :D
  19. Fools Fire Loyal Player

    Amazingly enough, this really happened several years ago...

  20. The 14th Doctor Dedicated Player

    Funny. Brilliant, even. And I should know. I'm brilliant.

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