Day 1: I found myself in Freeport today after a stint in the concentration camp called the Isle of Refuge. My confidence in the duke on said isle was lowered when he accidentally slipped and called it the Isle of Refuse. He tried to pass it off as gas, but he wasn't fooling me. I am plotting his death as I write this. Day 3: I was quite dismayed to learn that I couldn't enter the actual city of Freeport until I proved myself by becoming a citizen. As it took me three hours just to run all over the place looking for the points of interest that the slumlord suggested I look at, my legs were quite tired. I also noticed that the slumlord was very interested in the locks to my apartment, and he became quite miffed when I told him that I had nothing of value. I am plotting his death as I write this. -Later-Becoming a citizen wasn't nearly as hard as I thought. I found it quite enjoyable, especially killing the traitors with thier pithy little sob stories. There's nothing like killing a few miscreants to chase the 'not a Freeport citizen yet' blues away. When I returned to my apartment, I promptly commisioned to have my locks changed. I then realized it was a moot point as I noticed that the hinges to the door were removed. I sincerely hope that the execution of the slumlord is slow and painful. Day 7: I met a nice looking gnome today named Splatterhaus. It was quite nice to have someone share the same common interests with me, such as: killing vagrants and hooligans. I was invited back to his place, which was also on Temple Street. Bonus! Then I noticed that he was entering my apartment. When I pointed this out to him, he said he wondered why there were female unmentionables laying around, and he just assumed that the slumlord had left them there. He didn't, however, explain why he thought the slumlord would have these unmentionables on his person. I guess some things are better off left unsaid. Day 10: Today, I figured that it was time for me to follow my true calling as a summoner. It's not exactly a calling but a legacy that my family was known for. More running around. More leg cramps. -Later-There is a slight hitch in my true calling. I have come to find out that I am severely allergic to my pet. This might hinder my progress to ruling the world. I am plotting my pet's death as I write this. Day 11: While out cow tipping with Splatterhaus today, I executed my plan to kill my pet. Unfortunately, my pet was on to me, and proceeded on flying by an entire herd of cows and flying back to me. If I didn't know any better, I could have sworn that I heard laughter coming from my pet as I got trampled. Of course any laughter was drowned out by Splatterhaus' laughter, so I wasn't sure. Splatterhaus may have to die. Day 12: I finally figured out how to destroy my pet. Things are looking up. Day 13: Seeing as I couldn't begin my plot to rule to world from the outside killing things, I joined the legion of many by becoming part of the Freeport Express Delivery to the EXtreme team. Then I realized that the express delivery didn't mean nifty contraptions on our boots, but by running very fast to ungrateful customers who insulted me and tossed me a few copper. This was totally unacceptable and informed my manager that I quit, and that the name was stupid. Day 15: It took me two days to recover from the leg cramps. When I was able to walk again, I gathered up the few people that I met who shared the same interests as Splatterhaus and myself and created The Hurters Guild. Then everyone started yammering on about how they needed to get scrolls so their skills would be more potent. As the guild leader, I took it upon myself to make these items. Day 30: Nothing is going as I had planned. I have been stuck inside the Circle of Vaniki for next to forever making potions and scrolls for the rest of the ungrateful guildmembers. The other summoners present don't even have the courtesy to destroy their pets as I did mine, so my eyes are constantly watering and I am sneezing at the most critical times, nearly killing myself. To make matters worse, Splatterhaus has taken it upon himself to help a couple of his friends from Qeynos betray to Freeport, so he is never home. Day 31: This is one of the people that Splatterhaus has agreed to help. A HIGH ELF!! Here I am stuck inside all day, and he gets to enjoy the sunshine and killing. He CLAIMS that he can't go out killing with me because he can kill things so easily now (with the help of MY alchemies, I would like to add), that he would be bored. SO, he spends all his time with HER! Oh, this is a dark day. A dark day indeed. I may have to kill Splatterhaus and that giant red headed elf. (This is the end of part one. For anybody who has read the Very secret diaries of the Lord of the Rings, you will appreciate this. If not, read them because they are hilarious).
