I know this won't make a lot of sense since I have taken it out of context. However, I have been recently getting back into creative writing and I just finished the last paragraph. I thought I would share it below. Before you ask, no I'm afraid I can't give you any further context at the moment. I do plan to release the rest of the text as soon as I polish it up a little bit more. Hopefully you enjoyed reading it as much as I have so far. If not the best paragraph I have written, it has to be up there. (If you see grammatical errors I would very much be interested in knowing about them FYI. For all of you grammar addicts.)
"As he moved..." is more of a fragment sentence. Maybe change it to connect with the previous sentence, something like this. "Please no," he said softly as he knelt down to his sister's aid, moving her long, silvery white hair from her face. Just a thought.
Thank you for your suggestions. The chapter this is apart of is done, but I need to edit it some more to catch mistakes/make adjustments like you two mentioned. I'll post a link to it here when I release it, but otherwise thanks again for the suggestions!
Have always wanted to be an editor (signed up to a correspondence writing school, but they wanted me to be a writer first, and... that's just not for me)
Well I've already sent my draft to someone to edit/give his thoughts, but if you want to read through it after I make it public (I'm not actually publishing it for sale) feel free to make suggestions! I'm not the best at grammar. I believe I can spell well enough, and other have said I have a good vocabulary, but when it comes to commas, sentence structure, etc. I fall short sometimes. And my forum posts don't fully represent my writing either. LOL! Anyways, I added a bit of of content to that paragraph since I first posted it. I've made the edit changes both of you suggested as well. Here's the revised version: (I actually think I noticed a mistake on the last sentence too, but I've already uploaded the screenshot. Haha. ))
I added this immediately after to close out the chapter: Some people may not like it, but I sure like what I have built up between Jade and Jasmine! Again, I'll post a link to the full chapter once it is ready for anyone interested!
Might want to change the title. "Jade's Loving Care - A Brother & Sister Interaction" sounds like a title for an erotic, sibling-fetish story.
Well it's the title of the thread, not of the book. If you have a suggestion I can ask a mod to change the thread title I suppose.
