So true - The Daybreak Customer Support Story

Discussion in 'PlanetSide 2 Gameplay Discussion' started by Forger, Jul 31, 2015.

  1. Forger

    Actually I just started it as a little rant in the Missing Battle Cash thread. But now I got this as an answer in another thread about msising BC.

    That's why I like to share this little forum post story I wrote while I was waiting for an answer to a ticket in the official ticket system or in this forum.


    #1

    I imagine that Daybreak and Sony communicate this way: You buy something in the Store. A red light starts to flash in the SCEE HQ in Howondaland where, after 50 minutes of beeping and flashing somebody notices that something has been bought. Swami Kawami runs to the pigeonhole and fetches a pigeon. He runs back to the screen and puts a little message on the foot of the little bugger. Then he sets the pigeon free. The pigeon races over the ocean, avoiding hawks, airliners, storms and lightning. Just to land at the Daybreak HQ where nobody is there. so the pigeon bumps against the window.. over and over again. His little head is starting to bleed already and so the poor pigeon drops dead. Right onto a pile of other pigeons that has almost reached the height of the window they all bumped against.

    Now... or rather five hours later ... the two customer support employees of Daybreak arrive at the scene. Employee A says: "Damn ... the window must have been shut."

    B: "It wasn't me..."

    A:" Me neither."

    B:"Must have been Higby."

    A:"No, couldn't have been his fault. He is on a sabbatical and will return to his new post later."

    B:"Darn .. you are right. It was your fault then."

    A:"Stop blaming me. I always told them that using faxes would be more efficient."

    B:"And my position was ALWAYS adamant about not releasing a game on PS4 EVER!"

    A:"Don't shout at me. It must have been *thump of a pigeon against the window* ..."

    B:"It's Kwami Kawamis fault in Howondaland, right?"

    A:"His name is Kami Sawami.. but your right."

    B:"Do your eyes water too?"

    A:"Yeah .. what were the first symptoms of bird flu?"

    B:"Oh no! Let's head to the doc fast!"


    #2
    Three hours later. Employee A and B return to the Daybreak HQ. A yellow truck and a van with "Animal Control" on its side are parked in front of the building. There is also a FEMA semitrailer and a tent next to the entrance with a long line of accountants and managers in their underwear waiting to be decontaminated.

    A: "Man! We've been lucky. If we had been to work three hours late like the management and everyone else we would have got the decontamination as well. All thanks to this stupid window"

    B:"Hey! It wasn't my fault. Maybe it even was this top notch guy that went on his 'holiday' and left us the closed window as a little .. present."

    A:"Oh come on we already agreed that it was Sowami Kadami who messed it up."

    B:"Yeah. Maybe we shouldn't have exchanged Sony Computer Entertainment Europe with Swamis Crazy Elephant Emporium."

    A:"I remember somebody from our team suggesting it. His words have been something like:'Everybody is calling it SCEE all the time. Nobody will notice.'"

    B:"Nobody DID notice it."

    A:"True, same as exchanging SCEA for Sashas Cocaine Exchange of Albania."

    B:"Oh, I love that crazy ruski."

    A:"Albanian actually."

    B:"Their Customer Support is much cheaper. And Sasha has a fantastic satisfied customer rate."

    A:"Just because he tells them they have to be satisfied or else he will come to their house and feed cheap coke to their children."

    B:"Come on, thats just a rumor."

    A:"It's not just a rumor ... wait there is a guy watching us. Let's go before we get decontaminated!"

    #3
    Half an hour later. Employee A and B have been caught and decontaminated. Thoroughly scrubbed and cleaned and yet only a little sore they have been allowed to enter the building. With their old clothing incinerated, they walk to their desks wearing a not very sexy blue overall.

    A:"Don't say a word."

    B:"I don't know what you are talking about."

    A:"They have been looking at us as if it was our fault."

    B:"We are Customer Support. Gaming is in our blood, not things like marketing or strategic management. We all share a passion-"

    A:"You are mixing that up. We are Customer Support. We stay connected."

    B:"And take our relationship with our players and each other seriously."

    A:"Right. Gambling with the company's money and wasting it's assets is in the blood of the upper management."

    B:"They all share a passion and love for gambling."

    A:"And they relentlessly level up..."

    B:"Their record in making old mistakes over and over again."

    A:"Yeah. And it's our task to get the boat out of the muck after they took risks and took the wrong left turn."

    B:"Yeah, to us it's not a game!"

    A:"It's a heap of pigeons. Look they are still loading them in the truck. We can't open the window."

    B:"Come on, live the dream. Aren't we all people that got the job by playing video games?"

    A:"No, I actually wrote an application after I finished high school."

    B:"Really? I won mine in an Everquest duel from your former colleague."

    A:"That's was well played!"

    B:"Every Day man! Every Day!"

    #4

    Ten minutes later. Employee A and B have reached their desks. The room is only partially lit by sunlight coming from two windows. Their desks stand in the middle of a large room where the shapes of cubicles have been imprinted in the floor. Yet the cubicles are missing now and all that remains is their impression. Employee A and B are standing at the window and watch animal control and FEMA people load the pigeons on the yellow truck.

    A:"They are almost done."

    B:"Took them long enough."

    A:"They are only doing their job."

    B:"And don't let us do our job."

    A:"True. Well we could check out what's hiding on our computers."

    B:"Yeah, sounds cool. Maybe it has Solitaire on it."

    *Beep*

    A:"Okay. That's the SCEE / SCEA Store Interface. Minimize."

    B:"Don't close it. You won't be able to enter store orders from the pigeons when we open the window."

    A:"Calm down. I just minimized it."

    B:"You mean like made the letters smallers? How did you do that?"

    A:"No, i mean like in putting it down in the bar."

    B:"Wish I could be down in the bar too."

    A:"True,me too. Anyway. Look we even got an email software."

    B:"Open it! Maybe we got pictures of boobies or kittens in it."

    A:"*rolls his eyes*"

    B:"*mumbles and reads* See there is a mail from Suwani. He asks us to borrow him 10 grand to claim his Heremitage. Isnt that in Russia?"

    A:"Man, it's heritage. And it's a scam."

    B:"You mean like in shellfish? That's weird."

    A:"No, scam not clam. Like in they want your money by telling us how serious they are and then you end up without your money and nothing in return."

    B:"Thank God, you're clever. I would have helped him to get his Statalanian Casharis."

    A:"It's Battalanian Casharis now and they also have Dabarakian Casharias for the Natives. Look, that's a proper mail from Swami."

    B:"He says he got some customers complaining that they did not get their BC. That's his fault. Our Support Page clearly states that SCEE is responsible for this part of the world."

    A:"He only wants to inform us. He already told them that he can't help them. He told them he is only sending us their money."

    B:"He can't tell them that."

    A:"Seems he did!"

    B:" But then they will start submitting crickets."

    A:"You mean tickets.."

    B:"No nono .. I mean crickets. We got them as a cheap alternative to this CSS Web right from India and Africa."

    A:"Oh no! Don't tell me you exchanged that too."

    B:" Nobody will ever notice, that it's a Cricket Storage System now."

    A:"But every customer may open a cricket .. ehh ticket!"

    B:"Maybe we should close the oher window then?"

    A:" Why is that?"

    B:"SCEE/SCEA Store Order is this window. CSS is the other one."
  2. Forger

    I'd like to mention that I wrote it BEFORE I got that post I quoted.
  3. BrbImAFK

    tl;dr, too much cry...

    I've bought membership, I've bought DBCash, I've opened support tickets and logged bugs. In all of those issues, I've had only one problem, and even that was quickly rectified. I might not agree with some of DBG's decisions and priorities, but at the end of the day, they're getting the job passably done with the limited resources available to them.

    All in all, storm in teacup. Nothing to see here. Move along.
    • Up x 1
  4. toast2250

    Thx tl dr hero man! Damn wall of text, couldnt care less to be honest without even posting here.
  5. Profileiche

    As long you arent scamed , ignored and blocked from the forum. The topic is up for 48h plus now and no official answer besides ordering me to wait 48h and then blocking me. Thx