[Guide] [Silly] A not so serious look at TRS-12 Uppercut and TAS-16 Blackjack

Ingredients (Allergens in bold): MEMES, 2 second visit to Wikipedia, Anecdotal Evidence.
This review is suitable for a fact-free diet.


Why?

Because if you are going to grow up to be a true lvl120 fun sucking vampire in this game, you need proper tools of the trade.

Oh god WHY?!

Because there are few things that seared my soul in the deepest pits of fiery hell worse than getting both of these 1000 cert fun leeches to that purple medal, and if I have to go through it, then I'll drag the rest of you down with me too.

Okay then.

What is?
And to save time and effort, I will roll both of them into a single review, since they are like twins, except one of them stood in a shorter que when almighty Higby doled out the stats. They are both boomsticks with a one hit kill potential and are subject to a phenomenon that Auraxium scientists have dubbed "Troll Threshold". What is the Troll Threshold (TT)? That is the distance at which your shot turns from this



to this





And while the greatest minds of TR tried to scientifically calculate the exact value of TT, the test monkey trials- live fire exercises by the most elite of TR soldiers showed massive inconsistencies in results. In some cases standing so close that you can count the individual $$$ signs of the NC's beady little eyes resulted in just cosmetic damage to the shield, while in others a single shot fired in anger managed to bag 2 targets at the same time (although this mainly happens when those 2 targets are of your own faction). As such, it is mandatory before deploying with these weapons to recite a short prayer to RNGsus and possibly Lag God, so mayst they bless your mail pigeons carrying thine data packets and protect thou from 1d20 syndrome.

What's the difference?

Simply put, the Uppercut is a gun of a true Soviet Space Communist, spreading the suffering around every Biofarmlab. Everyone gets some, unless of course you graciously decline your share and offer it back to the needy proletariat.

Insist if you have to.
The general stats are as follows:

DAMAGE: Yes
VICTIMS PER MAGAZINE: 7 with extended mag.
RAGE INDUCING POTENTIAL: Unlimited
RANGE: Forget the meaning of that word
ACCURACY: Disregard as irrelevant

In comparison, the Blackjack feels like a Chinese knockoff, with its cheaper and inferior brand of communism. It loses one potential victim for basically no reason, and gives you a hangover, ham fingers and crippling derpression, lowering the accuracy, slowing the inter-victim cooldown and crushing your will to live respectively. As such, I won't even compare it to the Uppercut, as it can do everything better and spread the red across the planet far more efficiently (though same tactics apply if you are a masochist and decide to use the Blackjack)

How to meme win

You remember the first rule of stealth - you can't be seen if everyone's dead, and find an unaware victim. Withhold your urge to immediately begin blazing away and revealing yourself, run towards them using any available cover to mask your approach, before giving them the mos intense lead enema of their life. Should you encounter more than one target who are blissfully ignorant of your presence, you skedaddle away while they figure out how to put their squishy bits back in, then shoot the medic, the heavy, the engineer, his dog, his martini and, if there is still more than 2 eyes staring at you, your hopes and dreams because you only have 7 shots. As such, unless you have Harry Houdini as your ancestor, or have skills with your backup weapon to rival Clint Eastwood, you take your shots of opportunity and leave, reload, flank and continue farming the sweet sweet Auraxium bucks Certs. And tears.

If you are a manly man, you play Light Assault, utilising your backpack of magical farts to propel you across the battlefield and make your enemies crap bullets in every conceivable direction, including vertically up and down trying to anticipate you. Bonus points for dropping into the midst of a crowd and causing a mass browning of knickers and a list of TKs to rival the entire TR Commissariat. Then get blown up by a TR grenade, OF COURSE-

How not to meme be laughed at

It is a well documented fact that engaging the/being seen by an enemy outside of your TT without cover to make your escape is a one way ticket to the Sunderer of Shame, along with the infiltrators who do not deploy spotters and medics who do not practice necromancy. It may lead to you being crowned the Saltan of Sodium, after which the only GG you will see is Genital Gangrene. If it fits in your cross-hairs - keep running, Forrest.

Bottom line

Unless your W key is broken Infiltrator is your spirit animal, get yourself an Uppercut and open your own salt mining business. And if someone complains, remind them kindly that they strapped shotguns on top of shotguns while carrying shotguns as sidearms and driving a jeep with a shotgun on top.

I give it a mighty 10 MASS MURDERS/10.












Warning: Seriousness not included.

Knowing DBZ, those slaps in the second were probably more damaging to the target.
The TTK in DBZ is ridiculous.
Anyway, look at that OP flinch mechanic.

This is beautiful.

This was a fantastic read, excellent work.
1/1 potato rations for you.

Only in VR Training.

You obviously did not run close enough.

I will try harder...