Hi friends, I want to share a small, strange tale in this corner of the web, hoping the magic of the internet (along with the goodness of your hearts, and a dash of plain old fashioned luck ) might help me reverse a curse; to help find someone who’s been lost to me for over twenty long years. Side note, I've embedded links to music videos to make this more interactive, cause the post is long and I'm just a weirdo like that. Please enjoy. When I was young I played video games. My childhood was a relatively sad and tortured one, as many fellow geeks can probably relate to. In my home life, I was bullied, belittled and abused in a myriad of different ways. It took me way too long to realize the covert nature of the abuse and to see it for what it was (this overshare of a detail will make sense later, bear with me). When I found Everquest at age 13 or 14, I was able to plug in and jump through the screen to escape the cruelty of my world, and for the first time in my life, I made friends. Some of whom I am still lucky enough to have in my life today. Many of whom I’ve lost. Just because events happen online and in imaginary spaces doesn’t make them any less real or significant to our lives. I have memories of people and places that don’t exist. Dreamland worlds. I was able to be myself in EQ-OA. To grow and make connections that made me feel less alone. Friends with whom I slayed dragons, fought hill giants, walked about (and fell off of) treetop cities and snuck into caves behind waterfalls with. Friends who showed me I wasn’t alone, even if we were separated behind binary code, the glass of a computer screen, and pixelated images. I even fell in love. At age 15, my EQ character (a human ranger) got married to my best friend in the game, a half elf druid, in a ceremony in The Great Divide with all of our guild members present. This person was a dear friend who I loved adventuring with. Someone who was a total cheeseball. A goof who made me adoringly roll my eyes with a cheeky side smile, made me laugh, and I simply and genuinely loved spending time with this person. Foolishly I told my parents of my online happiness, even if it was just pretend - the feelings I felt were real, and my real life world was small and isolated (almost cult-like). But when you find a bit of happiness, you want to share it with the people close to you, as it makes it more real and tangible. I dared to imagine my family of origin would share in something that made me purely happy for once in my life. They flipped. Like, more than flipped. My abusive mother screamed and got violent as she was prone to do, and they both demanded I end this connection immediately and stop talking to this person. My best friend. I was terrified of my parents who frequently invalidated my boundaries, spied on me and gave me very little privacy - and I was also kind of an idiot, so I obeyed them, and told my husband we had to end it. Sweetly he suggested I lie to them, and we could go on pretending/carrying on in game, because how would they know? I didn’t know how to explain the severity of my home situation to him (or anyone), nor did I understand the depth of the abuse until years later, and only then, with the help of therapy. I knew my husband would be persistent (he was not one to easily give up on… anything. He was stubborn and clever, qualities I admired about him) and it killed me to have to end something that brought me true joy. But I also did not want to face further wrath from my prison wardens (parents) and feared they’d somehow catch me in the lie, or question my happiness, as they often did. So to stop my husband from following me, I told our guild leaders I was underage (he was 18 at the time, and I was 15) to get him in trouble. So he would hate me. A version of me died because I wasn't able to be true to myself. And then I disappeared. I owe this person an apology. I owe this person an explanation. And more than anything - I am daring to hope I can get my friend back. If by some miracle these words I’m weaving are able to cast a beautiful net, to catch a beautiful thing long lost to me in another time and space . I have no idea where they may now be in life or what their situation is. He would be 39 or 40 at this point. Nor do I know if they’d want to hear from me - but I believe it’s never too late to ask for forgiveness. And I have to try. I don't even know this person's name in our world. I just know his name back then was Caird. If this was you - or by some chance you know how I can reach this person, please drop me a line. I’d appreciate it if you could tell me the guild we were in, the server we played on, or even just my character name (if you remember it) as a form of verification. Sure, it's a long shot. But after years of horrors and demons I've fought - I'm trying to play another hand than the one I was dealt - or maybe I've realized there's an ace up my sleeve ♠️. I am the eternal, hopeful optimist of far flung hopes. The dreamer of improbable dreams, and believer in impossible things, daring to imagine another life, and another world. A better world. I have been waiting all my life . I’ve made a life out of chasing a ghost - but death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a little while. I won’t give up. YCFM. ✨
This is an amazing story? Really? Mm-hmmm, yes. My favorite bit is here: This is, at the time, a 15 year old who is describing typical parenting. Little privacy - check No boundaries - check It's their house and you were a child. Now, as an adult, you say that you were an idiot for obeying your own parents and still refer to the online acquaintance (who you have no real knowledge of aside from what he told you) as your "husband", because you "married" him in Everquest when you were 15. Right? But he SWEETLY suggested that you LIE to your PARENTS... What planet am I on right now? This post reads like grade A troll bait and I can only hope for the sake of all things decent in this world that the OP is laughing at the fact that people took it seriously, because the alternative is so dark that I don't even want to contemplate the future beyond that admission.
